Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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