I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My ass is underappreciated
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
