What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
