No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
