escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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