everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
