can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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