i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
