Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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