when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As shirtless as possible
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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