Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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