Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
