I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
