I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
