So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
