Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
