Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize