i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
