i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
