Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
