Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
