btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
