The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
