I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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