going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
