we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize