Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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