She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
