broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
