My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
