Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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