Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
