I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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