he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
