This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
