can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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