i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You left your phone here
Wait...
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