Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
