I hate your face
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
