Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
