youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
