Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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