I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
