it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
