Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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