So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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