No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Vodka?
Forever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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