maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
