The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
