Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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