My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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