Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
