I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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