just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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