i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
