if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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