Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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