I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
