so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
