that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
