When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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