I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we're making bets on your personal life
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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