does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
