Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
