I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
