ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
