My first STD was from a foam party
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
