$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
