I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is Oprah even human
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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