u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize