On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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