i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
