I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i think my cat just said my name.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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