Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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