if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
