I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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